It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Blogging)

Today, I give unto the world what it has been groaning for since the curse of Adam.  No, not a new heaven and transformed earth.  No, not a ‘dislike’ button on Facebook.  No… something much more groaning-earth-worthy!  BEHOLD!  I GIVE YOU… MORE POINTLESS DIGITAL RAMBLINGS FROM CHRIS LANTZ!

Yeah, so I have a blog now.

I took issue with blogs at first, mostly because they were called “blogs”.  What a gross word.  It sounds like it could be; (a) an open, festering sore; (b) onomatopoeia for a frog defecating off a log into a bog; or (c) vain attempts for uninteresting people like myself to sound fascinating/fashionable/fanatical about a host of uninteresting topics.

Two things conspired to lead me towards the creation of Sticks as Playthings, which is the chosen name for my, ahem, “blog”.  They are:

1. Various people I knew and loved and envied and respected, as well as my youngest brother Jordan, had started writing blog-type-things.  Their writings were consistently hilarious, profound, well-written, absorbing and revelatory (and often all of the above in only five paragraphs).  The fortress of stubborn bias I had constructed in the face of “blogging” had, over the course of several years, and by the skilled hands of many steadfast bloggers; been chipped to rubble.  In short: I like them now.
2. Facebook is great, and I am hopelessly addicted to it, but it has it’s limitations.  And not just because I have no idea how to politely respond to being ‘poked’.  I like to write longer pieces sometimes, when the muses strike the proper chord of passion in me (and when I have gotten bored with my current 4 hour marathon of Madden ’08).  However, Facebook is not the right place to publish such long-form thought regurgitations.  Unless you count Facebook Notes, which I don’t, as “Notes” fall into the realm of “Emotionally- and Hormonally-Charged Teenage Rant Spaces”.  I will save my emotionally and hormonally charged ranting for the more adult and sophisticated pages of the blogging world, thank you.

So, you’re probably asking yourself, “Just what kind of stuff is he gonna write on here, anyway?  I’m busy looking up hockey scores and creepin’ my High School librarian’s FBook page… I wanna know what I’m gettin’ into with this stupid blog if I’mma commit to more READIN’!”  If you could just calm yourself down, fair reader, I would gladly answer your very pertinent question.

You can expect the following, at random, disorganized intervals:

Musings on: life, marriage, my children, other people’s children, other people (normal), other people (famous), other people (infamous), Jesus of Nazareth (who qualifies as ‘People’, but really is His own brand of ‘Person’), The Church (Capital-“C”), my church (lower case-“c”, though that is no insult), music, making music, hip hop music, “indie” music (for lack of a better label), rock music (distinct from “rawk music”), various other musics, hockey (a LOT), football (NFL), football (CFL, deserving of it’s own inferior distinction), hockey and football pools, movies & television, modernism & postmodernism, salt & light, beats & ryhmes, rattle & hum, the world’s injustices (perceived or real, massive or minor), animals (wild), animals (domestic), technology, politics, science, the glory and splendour of the natural created world, the education system, in-laws (love ’em), out laws (love ’em, but hate the sin… whatever that means), the weather, Clyde AB, Ontario, irony, sarcasm, hilarity, and death.  And other things as well.

You can also expect A LOT of LISTS.  Here are 5 reasons why.

1. I like to categorize things in a listed manner, so as to organize my thoughts in a clearly communicable way.
2. People like to read lists, because that way, they know when the end is near.  Kind of like Harold Camping.
3. Lists are objective.  A list entitled “My Top Ten Favourite Unholy-To-Eat Animals from the Book of Leviticus” will only have one submission at Number One.  (Spoiler alert… number one is the “rock badger”, or “coney”.  Pig is, shockingly, not listed until #4!)  That way, the author must make a series of rational decisions and then finalize their thoughts, according to their personal tastes.
4. I watch a lot of Letterman, and always buy the year end “Top 50 albums of ….(insert year)….” issues of SPIN and Rolling Stone.
5. Lists are fun, and enabled me to create this cheesy gag.

In the immediate future, you can expect an entry on “My Favourite Bob Dylan Songs” as a celebration of Bob Dylan’s 70th Birthday*.  There will soon thereafter be a writing about U2, since I get to go see them in a little over a week.  I will also write a self-congratulatory entry about why I am so pleased with the name of my blog, which sounds insufferably vain, but may just be a little enlightening for you, right?

So that’s what you can expect from Sticks As Playthings.  I may not refer to it as a blog… I may instead call it a “frog poop”, for reasons stated above.  Feel free to come & go and support it as you please.  Just like Church.

*Want a sneak peek into the upcoming Bob Dylan list?  Do you?  Really?  Well here it is… my number one all-time favourite Bob Dylan song is hidden with wit and charm in the name of this particular blog post.  Google it if you have to, you rookie.